You can't go anywhere these days without seeing or hearing about poker. The extensive television coverage has helped make Texas Hold'em poker a worldwide phenomenon. With local casinos and charity poker events popping up all the time, now anybody can get in on the action. While the increasing popularity of poker has brought created a slew of new players, the same five personalities always seem to be present at every game:
1.) The Young Punk: The "Young Punk" is a 21 to 26-year-old kid who plays video poker at home any chance he gets. He is aggressive and arrogant. He makes lewd comments about girls he's conquered and after he bluffs you out shows you his cards to reinforce his superiority and your stupidity.
If he wins a big pot, he instantly irritates the table by recapping the brilliant strategy he used to win your money.
When the punk finally loses, it is never his fault — it's always a fluke.
2.) The Big Mouth: The "Big Mouth" is the guy at the table who never stops talking. He thinks his yapping is a great tool in psyching out his opponent. He tries to be witty and entertaining by offering insults to other plays regarding their weight and receding hairline.
The irony however, is that the "Big Mouth" is always a balding 300 pound man that sweats profusely. When he loses, his bravado is destroyed and he returns to his natural state as a fat slob
with a big mouth and no money.
3.) The Turtle: The "Turtle" is the guy who takes forever to make a decision. He sits there, cards in hand, with a blank stare unable to make a move. He is oblivious to the other players at the table. As time passes the players grow impatient. They start to fidget and make annoying sounds.
This is done to try and get the "Turtle" going. Finally, he folds his cards and play resumes.
When entering the casino bathroom the "Turtle" will read the gender description, hesitate slightly and finally make the appropriate choice.
4.) The Retiree: The "Retiree" plays poker just to pass the time. Due to his poor eyesight he often asks the dealer to read him the flop. The "Retiree" is generally a conservative player who sits out an occasional hand to administer his medicine. Everybody at the table likes the old timer but have no qualms about taking advantage of his failed memory and other senior moments.
5.) The Fish: Finally there is the "Fish." The "Fish" is usually a middle-aged man who goes to the casino because he does well against his friends at his weekly card game. You can usually identify the fish by his low stack of chips. During the game he frequently visits the ATM machine. He constantly fields calls from his wife and lies about his whereabouts
After losing his bankroll and realizing he is out of his league, the "Fish" is sadly relegated to writing Internet articles about poker.
I'm all out.